What is wrong with some people?

Remember when I told you about my boyfriend? The one who I was so happy to have found and who made me the happiest girl I’ve been in awhile?

Well turns out he is a fuckboy just like everyone said.

Everything was going great! We were more comfortable with each other, we were always laughing and having fun. Well we hung out Saturday and Sunday and everything was great. Well Monday came along and I had barely heard from him. He was mad about something that had happened at work. He got mad really easily and had issues with his anger so I just met him be and didn’t really bother him. Next thing I knew it was Tuesday and I hadn’t really heard from him in 24 hours, I was worried because he never went that long without texting me or getting in contact with me.

i had just got off work and it was about 10 am so I decided to take a nap before I started painting. I woke up at about noon…to a text…from him.

It went a little like this, “I’ve been thinking a lot the past couple of days and I don’t think it’s working out the best for us and I’m sorry and I especially apologize for this text.”

I was shocked, he never mentioned this before and a thing like this. I was confused and I figured he was scared. Well there was an exchange of words and we decided to just pretend that each other didn’t exist.

i messaged his step mom on Facebook to ask when she would be home so I could bring his hoodie back without having to see him. He was very pissed off I did this and went off on me. In the end it all ended with a text. “Don’t text me again”. And haven’t. I was upset at first but it only took me a day to get over him.

I figured this was because I knew all along it wasn’t going to work out. We were the complete opposite and there were just something’s that I don’t think I could of accepted fully. It dawned on me. You can miss something that wasn’t really there. Being in a relationship with him was like being single. We never really saw each other and emotionally he wasn’t there for me. He didn’t know how to be. I don’t blame him for not being there emotionally because he didn’t know how too and honestly I don’t think he wanted to learn.

He had a lot of problems of his own. He hated to be around people, he got pissed off really quick and over the stupidest shit. He would punch himself in the head when he was pissed. He had a lot of issues. I was willing to be there and help him with those issues but I guess he didn’t want me too.

In the days following this I have actually been doing good, I’ve been focused on school and spending time with my family.

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What is Love?

What is love?

At one point in my life I thought I knew what it was. Something sweet and gave you that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Maybe that is what love it..

In October I decided to try Tinder, the dating app for finding people near you. I didn’t do it to find my soulmate, but I thought maybe I could find some friends that went to my school. Well I ended up meeting someone, lets call him Jeff. I was nervous to actually meet him because what if he was a stalker or killer? I threw caution to the wind and went on a date with him. It was honestly the best time I had had in a while. From that day on we saw each other everyday for about a month and a half. During this period we made things “official”. I was so head over heels, he treated me so good and made me so happy. I felt something towards him that I never really felt towards someone else, a strong connection of some sort. 

I knew it had only been about a month but I thought I thought I loved this kid. He was the first person I wanted to talk to when I woke up and the last person I wanted to talk to before I went to sleep at night. 

A few weeks later “jeff” lost his job. He became distant and angry, I was so confused how everything could just flip. I did everything I could, I was there for him, I tried to talk to him, I gave him space. I did it all. Nothing helped. 

When we first got together he had introduced me to his best friend and his fiance, I instantly connected with them and we all three hung out all the time. During the period when jeff lost his job and became depressed his best friend had cheated on his pregnant fiance. All hell broke loose. She asked if I could help her move out of their apartment because she didn’t know what to do. Of course I agreed. Jeff hadn’t really talked to me much that weekend but he said he was “sick”. I got to the apartment and jeff was there along with one of my old best friends, lets call her amber. There were some other people there as well to help with the move.

I asked jeff when he got there and he said 8 am that morning and I didn’t know any different so I left it alone. As the morning went on I learned that amber had stayed over at the apartment to help jeffs bestfriend. 

The way mine and ambers friendship was was a very disfunctional friendship. She annoyed the shit out of me and she was always putting me down. Her recent way of putting me down was making fun of me for working at a resturant where apperance is everything. So I called her a whore in a joking manner. Jeff kept defending her which I thought was weird. 

The next day I got a snapchat from amber saying “Look who i found”. It was a picture of jeff in his kitchen. So I texted amber and asked why she was at MY boyfriends house. She came back with “you mad bro”. This pissed me off like no other. She then proceeded with “jeff is such a great kisser”. I lost it by this point. How could two people that were supposed to be there for me turn on me? I texted jeff and he basically confirmed they were cheating together. Come to find out he had stayed the night at the apartment that night and had did stuff with amber that night as well. 

When I confronted amber she said she did it because she could and because I called her a whore, so she might as well act like one. Slight problem in her “story”, she cheated with him before I ever called her a whore.

I was broken. Torn apart. Nauseous for days. Everytime I thought about it I would throw up. How could somebody do this to another person? Why would they intentionally hurt somneone like that. 

A horrible person. Amber is a horrible person. Its been about 5 months and amber still tries to contact me and my current boyfriend as well. I have her blocked. She cannot contact me at all, and that is how I prefer it to be. She has tried to contact my sister to get to me and they all tell her to leave me alone. 

This bitch has to be mentally ill, she still to this day thinks she did nothing wrong. OH and they are still together and are “Happily In Love” as they say. Yeah right. Hes off to basic and she will cheat on him as soon as she is gone. 
What is love? Will I ever know? Clearly what I thought it was, was wrong.

Something new and different

I tend to keep everything inside. Letting it build up, and taking it out on the wrong people. I refuse to do that anymore so I decided to start blogging. Getting everything from my mind out. Let’s see how this goes.
So where do I start? Do I make a sappy post about my childhood or my daily life now? Well I can’t because I have a terrible memory and I can’t remember much of my childhood. 

Well right now I just finished my junior year of college, it’s both exciting and scary at the same time. What do I do when I graduate? Will I make enough money to move out of my moms house? God I hope so because I don’t know how much more of her nagging and bitching I can take.

Nothing is ever good enough for her, and in her eyes I don’t do anything. And I NEVER here the end of it. Ever.